Goodbye…

“Tell me that we will work this out,” I begged.

The harsh wind was whipping at my loose, golden hair. Cold air bit at my skin and I wished I had dressed warmer before coming outside. I continued to stare at Beckett; his midnight black hair blended in with the shadows surrounding us. His ice blue eyes seemed to twinkle like the stars in the sky above us.

I was naive to think that anything between us would work out but I believed we could overcome anything- that our love was enough. My heart ached for his love, my body yearned for his touch; I wonder if he ever felt that way towards me. I would’ve done anything for him: thrown away everything I was working on, leave the life I knew, move to a strange place, anything. Apparently he wouldn’t have done the same for me. Apparently I wasn’t enough for him.

A part of me knew this was going to be the end, that whatever we had was over; severed by his decision to leave. I still wanted to fight for us though. Everything in me screamed to fight for him- to fight for us. I could feel my heart breaking the longer we stood there staring at each other. I knew I had to memorize every part of him before he left forever. I took in his messy hair my fingers were knotted in just hours before, his hands that fit perfectly in mine, his beautiful bright eyes, the lips that I craved the kiss of, and his tall frame. I remembered his hug that made me feel like I was at home and the feeling of his warm body against mine as we slept.

I did not bother to wipe away the tears I let escape. I hoped that maybe, if he saw me crying, he would realize the mistake he was making. I wanted to see any reaction in him but I was not given that privilege. He stood there as stoic as ever. I could barely tell if he was breathing or not. He seemed like a statue. I hated that about him; I hated that even as I was breaking in front of him he still never showed any emotion towards me. Maybe I was dead to him already- I may as well be.

I was starting to wonder how long we were going to stand here staring at each other. Perhaps he was also trying to remember me or maybe he was hoping for me to leave first so I would be the one who turned away and ended everything. I could feel the cold air starting to settle in my vulnerable heart and burrow itself deep into my bones.

The longer I stood there I felt myself start to hate him more and more. I hated him for giving up so easily. I hated him for leading me on for so long. I hated myself the most though… for falling in love with him and for being so weak that by him leaving made me broken and lost. I should’ve listened to the people who told me I was making a mistake. I should have never agreed to meet him in his room the fateful night he came to town. I was stupid for doing what I did and as much as I hate him now in this moment I hate myself more.

Maybe he could sense the sudden change in my emotion because he took a step back from me. That one single step shattered the pieces of my already broken heart. I watched as he took a deep breath and run his hand through his hair. He was stressed, as he should be. He knew what would come after this. He knew the damage was almost done. I waited to see if he was going to say anything to me but he just stood there staring.

More tears were coming out now. A painful sob ripped from my throat and I hoped the howling wind was loud enough to conceal it. My petite body was trembling from the cold and also from the emotions raging inside me. Fear now coursed through my veins. How will everyone else react when they find out, what do I do now that it’s over? Everything I knew for the past few months was now being ripped away from me. I decided that I had enough of him wasting more of my time and turned on my heel.

I was almost to the door when I heard him clear his throat. My hand paused in mid air as I was reaching for the doorknob. A glimmer of hope sprung out of the darkness of my heart but it was quickly buried again when the wind carried his words to me.

“I’m sorry Whitney,” he paused for a moment before continuing,”goodbye.”